so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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