And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
