Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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