So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
