i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
