All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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