party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
