the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
