Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry about my life...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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