My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
