im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
