every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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