Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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