another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
there is puke in my bra ... again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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