and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's like heaven, but drunker
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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