Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
