Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
