All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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