If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
