are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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