her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
