"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
