why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
