i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
