If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
