i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
