just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His nipple licking is glorious
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