ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
