I wish I could teleport
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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