So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
