your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
