I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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