Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
