dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
