I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
