Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
another moral hangover. fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
