i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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