Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
