At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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