So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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