Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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