Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
