WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
