i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
