sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
