I cockslap morals
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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