12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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