Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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