Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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