They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
