I want to make a zoo with you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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