It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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