There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Can i not drive my cunt home
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm like, not good at living.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
